When this project was first presented in class I immediately started thinking about different photographs that I have seen throughout my lifetime that I could analyze even further. In my mind I was taken back to Christmas parties at my grandparents house where we would always end up looking at albums that my Nana made every December filled with photos, letters, cards and other mementos of the year that had just passed. I also remembered all of the photo albums that my mom created, and in particular, the four that were set aside and dedicated to each of her children, my two brothers, my sister and myself.
I first visited my grandparents because I thought for sure that finding an old photograph of someone that I never knew and hearing the story behind it would spark me to be able to create this project. However, that was not the case. While looking at pictures of my great grandparents who passed before I was able to meet them was interesting and finding out about my pop-pop’s military and war history was better than any history class I ever took in school, something inside of me knew that they weren’t the pictures I should be using. I could have just used them to fulfill the requirement of the project but in my heart, I KNEW that there was a photograph somewhere that would bring out emotion in me that no others could and that was the photograph that I should be using. I knew I had to keep looking. I did take with me the photos and conversations just in case but never had any intention of letting myself settle for a picture that I was not completely enamored with.
Going over to my parent’s house I was uncertain that I was going to find what I was looking for. I had seen all of those pictures time and time again, heard all of the stories. I was not sure that there was anything that could catch my eye the way I wanted for this project. That was before I fully understood the terms that Barthes is so adamant about, studium and punctum. Before, when I first started thinking about a photograph I wanted to go directly to my grandparent’s house because they had tons of old black and white photographs that I KNEW had history that I could relate to punctum. Even in my first blog post about the photograph that I ended up choosing, I assumed that a rich history of a photograph was considered punctum. After discussing and revisiting my blog I was made aware that punctum involves a secondary story that a photo is telling and also must already be present in the photograph. With that in mind, I began looking through boxes filled with photo albums and scattered pictures that my parents had collected and taken over the years.
As I mentioned earlier, I first went directly to the scrapbook albums created specifically for my sister Rebecca, brothers Michael and Gregory and myself. Flipping through the pages, my mom and I revisited various stages and times in my lifetime including the day I was born, first professional pictures, first haircut (with part of that haircut concealed and placed in the book), a letter home from my pre-school explaining how great it was that it was the first day I didn’t cry all day after my mom dropping me off (whoops) and continuing with pictures of my sister and I after she was born two years later, pictures from my parents wedding the same year my sister was born and SO much more. I did the same thing for Rebecca and Michaels albums and while I loved reliving those moments and looking through the photos; I still was not finding “the one”, the one photograph that stood out among all others. I began to get nervous because I had looked through three books already and while each was individualized they all had the same underlying format.
Deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to go through one more book, especially because I looked through everyone else’s my mom and I began to flip through the pages of Gregory’s album but was only looking at it as pure enjoyment because I really believed there wasn’t going to be anything in this book that I hadn’t already seen three different times. With the turn of each page, the distance between our current place and the end of the book was slowly diminishing. I remember my eyes beginning to almost glaze over because it was almost like I knew exactly what was coming. That was, until my mom tried to turn past one of the final pages.
“Wait!” I remember calling out as I slapped my hand on top of my mom’s.
Turning back I noticed a picture of Gregory with my twin cousins, Aaron and Ariel all standing next to each other with their arms around one another in front of my parents house. Simple to anyone looking at the photograph, but I knew there was much, much more that this particular photograph had to say. According to Hacking I presume this photograph to be under the portrait category because it features my brother and two cousins. When it comes to studium, the aspect that stands out to me in this photo is just how much my brother looks like my cousins. I never really noticed because we do not see them as much since they live in South Carolina with their mother. Like I said before, at first I thought that the fact that this picture can relate to so much of my family history that that was the element of punctum but after revisiting the definition I came to the conclusion that there was no element of punctum in this particular picture. It was in that moment I found the photo that I would be using for this project.
My families history with adoption is one that has been played over time after time, case being a little different. Starting with my parents, my Dad’s parents have five children, three boys and two girls. Of those five children, three (including my dad) are adopted. Moving on to my generation, my parents were together for a couple years in high school, after high school they took time apart and my mom ended up getting pregnant with me and getting back together with my dad. My dad has been there for me and has been taking care of me since before I was born and when I was in fourth grade my parents decided to tell me about my biological father and also told me that my dad wanted to adopt me and have me take his last name. Almost a year later, after meeting and deciding to cut all ties with my biological father and his family I OFFICIALLY became a Holden.
Gregory’s story is different than mine in that, he is not biological kin to either my mom or dad. When my Uncle and his girlfriend at the time got pregnant with Gregory, they realized that at that time they were not able to provide for a child the way they it (later found out he) would need. They decided it would be best for them to give him up for adoption but my family did not want to let him go. When he was born, my Mom-mom and Pop-Pop decided they would take him into their home but since they had already raised four kids of their own and helped raise me along with my brothers and sisters, they were also afraid they would not be able to take care of him. That’s when my parents stepped in.
Through the process of interviewing my mom and dad I was able to find out more information about the process they had to go through and it really gave me a better look into how Gregory became part of our family and essentially how he completed our Holden Clan (as my mom calls us). Adoption has played such a big part in the story of my family and I consider myself very fortunate to have such a rich history, one that I will be able to share with my own children one day.
Works Cited
Barthes, Roland. Camera Lucida: Reflections on Photography. New York: Hill and Wang, 1981. Print.
Hacking, Juliet, ed. Photography: The Whole Story. London: Thames & Hudson, 2012. Print.
I first visited my grandparents because I thought for sure that finding an old photograph of someone that I never knew and hearing the story behind it would spark me to be able to create this project. However, that was not the case. While looking at pictures of my great grandparents who passed before I was able to meet them was interesting and finding out about my pop-pop’s military and war history was better than any history class I ever took in school, something inside of me knew that they weren’t the pictures I should be using. I could have just used them to fulfill the requirement of the project but in my heart, I KNEW that there was a photograph somewhere that would bring out emotion in me that no others could and that was the photograph that I should be using. I knew I had to keep looking. I did take with me the photos and conversations just in case but never had any intention of letting myself settle for a picture that I was not completely enamored with.
Going over to my parent’s house I was uncertain that I was going to find what I was looking for. I had seen all of those pictures time and time again, heard all of the stories. I was not sure that there was anything that could catch my eye the way I wanted for this project. That was before I fully understood the terms that Barthes is so adamant about, studium and punctum. Before, when I first started thinking about a photograph I wanted to go directly to my grandparent’s house because they had tons of old black and white photographs that I KNEW had history that I could relate to punctum. Even in my first blog post about the photograph that I ended up choosing, I assumed that a rich history of a photograph was considered punctum. After discussing and revisiting my blog I was made aware that punctum involves a secondary story that a photo is telling and also must already be present in the photograph. With that in mind, I began looking through boxes filled with photo albums and scattered pictures that my parents had collected and taken over the years.
As I mentioned earlier, I first went directly to the scrapbook albums created specifically for my sister Rebecca, brothers Michael and Gregory and myself. Flipping through the pages, my mom and I revisited various stages and times in my lifetime including the day I was born, first professional pictures, first haircut (with part of that haircut concealed and placed in the book), a letter home from my pre-school explaining how great it was that it was the first day I didn’t cry all day after my mom dropping me off (whoops) and continuing with pictures of my sister and I after she was born two years later, pictures from my parents wedding the same year my sister was born and SO much more. I did the same thing for Rebecca and Michaels albums and while I loved reliving those moments and looking through the photos; I still was not finding “the one”, the one photograph that stood out among all others. I began to get nervous because I had looked through three books already and while each was individualized they all had the same underlying format.
Deciding that it wouldn’t hurt to go through one more book, especially because I looked through everyone else’s my mom and I began to flip through the pages of Gregory’s album but was only looking at it as pure enjoyment because I really believed there wasn’t going to be anything in this book that I hadn’t already seen three different times. With the turn of each page, the distance between our current place and the end of the book was slowly diminishing. I remember my eyes beginning to almost glaze over because it was almost like I knew exactly what was coming. That was, until my mom tried to turn past one of the final pages.
“Wait!” I remember calling out as I slapped my hand on top of my mom’s.
Turning back I noticed a picture of Gregory with my twin cousins, Aaron and Ariel all standing next to each other with their arms around one another in front of my parents house. Simple to anyone looking at the photograph, but I knew there was much, much more that this particular photograph had to say. According to Hacking I presume this photograph to be under the portrait category because it features my brother and two cousins. When it comes to studium, the aspect that stands out to me in this photo is just how much my brother looks like my cousins. I never really noticed because we do not see them as much since they live in South Carolina with their mother. Like I said before, at first I thought that the fact that this picture can relate to so much of my family history that that was the element of punctum but after revisiting the definition I came to the conclusion that there was no element of punctum in this particular picture. It was in that moment I found the photo that I would be using for this project.
My families history with adoption is one that has been played over time after time, case being a little different. Starting with my parents, my Dad’s parents have five children, three boys and two girls. Of those five children, three (including my dad) are adopted. Moving on to my generation, my parents were together for a couple years in high school, after high school they took time apart and my mom ended up getting pregnant with me and getting back together with my dad. My dad has been there for me and has been taking care of me since before I was born and when I was in fourth grade my parents decided to tell me about my biological father and also told me that my dad wanted to adopt me and have me take his last name. Almost a year later, after meeting and deciding to cut all ties with my biological father and his family I OFFICIALLY became a Holden.
Gregory’s story is different than mine in that, he is not biological kin to either my mom or dad. When my Uncle and his girlfriend at the time got pregnant with Gregory, they realized that at that time they were not able to provide for a child the way they it (later found out he) would need. They decided it would be best for them to give him up for adoption but my family did not want to let him go. When he was born, my Mom-mom and Pop-Pop decided they would take him into their home but since they had already raised four kids of their own and helped raise me along with my brothers and sisters, they were also afraid they would not be able to take care of him. That’s when my parents stepped in.
Through the process of interviewing my mom and dad I was able to find out more information about the process they had to go through and it really gave me a better look into how Gregory became part of our family and essentially how he completed our Holden Clan (as my mom calls us). Adoption has played such a big part in the story of my family and I consider myself very fortunate to have such a rich history, one that I will be able to share with my own children one day.
Works Cited
Barthes, Roland. Camera Lucida: Reflections on Photography. New York: Hill and Wang, 1981. Print.
Hacking, Juliet, ed. Photography: The Whole Story. London: Thames & Hudson, 2012. Print.